I can’t believe that I punished myself last night by tuning into the Miss Universe pagent. What was I thinking?  After scouring the channels and checking the DVR, I settled on the pagent.  What a desperate move…

I tuned in as the top 20 finalists were named, then labored through the swimsuit competition, immediately elimated those whose ribs jutted out further than their breasts.  After naming the top 10 (I picked 5!), the evening dress "competition" ensued.  Could some of these dresses even be considered gowns?  Paraguay – what were you thinking?  The mess of a metal contraption that Puerto Rico assembled was my second to least favorite.  USA – loved the gold neckline and backdrop, but the bottom was distracting.  Japan – love it!  Switzerland – definitely a good color choice. 

The field was narrowed to five and two of my picks were still included:  USA and Japan, although Switzerland had grown on me.  The questions were probably the highlight of the evening, as I enjoyed the women competely ignoring their interpreters and rambling in foreign languages.  Now, on to the results.  5th place:  USA.  Whatever!  Do they keep USA around in the finals so that viewers don’t tune out?  4th place:  Paraguay.  Good!  3rd place:  Switzerland.  What?  Are you sure?  You didn’t actually intend to put Puerto Rico in the top two did you?  (Yes, I was talking outloud to the TV at this point). 

OK, I’m holding my breath.  You have to pick Japan; she is so spunky and energetic and cute.  Come on, pick Japan.  Dammit.  Are you serious?  (I throw the remote).  Puerto Rico beats Japan.

I get up and storm out of the room telling Devon that this is the reason I don’t watch these shows and to never let me do that to myself again.  You know, because it is all his fault.